Social Stress

In about a week and a half, I will be entering my second year of college.

As I watch my move-in day get closer and closer, I feel my emotions jumping from one extreme to another a gagillion times a day.

I know it shouldn't be a big deal, because I already made it through my first year, right? There are so many differences between last year and this year, though.

Possibly the biggest difference is I don't know the people I'm going to be living with this year. Last year, I had it fairly easy. I got to live with one of my best friends, and I knew she would basically be right there if I needed anything. This year, though, I am going to be living with three complete strangers. I've already talked to one of them a bit, and she's kind of like me. At least in the music taste area, which is kind of big, because it's one of the easiest ways to connect with me. And we have a similar kind of humor, it seems. The one who is my actual roommate likes Harry Potter, so, I mean, that's kind of like an automatic win, right? And I haven't really talked to the fourth one; I can tell she's going to be the super organized one, though, from the message thread the four of us have going. (And, of course, they all seem like they are very kind people, too.)


Despite knowing these things, I am beyond terrified.


For those of you who either don't know or haven't picked up on it, I am incredibly awkward and, worst of all, shy. Being just awkward is pretty well accepted these days, it seems, so it wouldn't be so bad if I was just awkward. Take Michael Cera, for example. He has basically made his career out of being the "awkward dork." Maybe he's shy, too, but he hides it well enough to get by in the industry.


But I cannot tame my shyness.


It's one of my most annoying and hurtful flaws, I think. It causes me to be "wrong" socially. I say the wrong things frequently (especially when I try to be funny). I don't open up very easily. I observe what is going on around me for a long while before getting too comfortable instead of participating right away. And I just don't talk a whole lot. It keeps me from making friends, and it is something I am constantly working on.

In many ways, I fear that meeting and living with three new people will cause me more stress than I am used to. Family gatherings stress me out, and those are people that I have known my whole life. How am I supposed to handle meeting and living with three brand new people? I can handle school work stress pretty well. I can handle money stress pretty well. I can handle time managing (or lack of) stress pretty well. Handling social stress, on the other hand, causes me to do the opposite of what I would do for the other stressful situations. Instead of acting to fix the problem, I avoid it more and more. Or I make a royal mess of things when I do finally act.

Some of you may be wondering how I deal with my job, where I have to interact with random people all day long. I really don't know how I do it. It could have to do with the fact that they don't expect me to connect with them on a personal level or chitchat with them too much. I am able to keep myself at a distance. Once people expect me to get close to them and be all buddy-buddy, though, I freeze up a little. I either don't respond or I say incredibly dumb, out-there things.

Having the Internet and interacting with people that way has helped me a little bit with my social skills, but only the tiniest bit. The difference between the Internet and Real Life, though, is people expect, well, demand immediate responses from you when you're conversing in person. The Internet allows you to take a moment to think of something, because you can blame it on having to do something else for a bit. In Real Life, if you wait to say something, you look... stupid.

I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking the whole thing like I normally do. Sometimes writing everything out in the open helps me, though.


If you have any comments, feel free to say something, as always. Advice on how to deal with this kind of stress or where to read up on it would be wonderful, too. Or hearing your own stories. Or hearing what ever you wish to say. Or hearing recommendations for other topics. Or hearing nothing. Whatever floats yo' boat.

Have a great whatever it currently is for you.

Chelsea

P.S. In regards to the last post about the tattoo, I'm still undecided about the whole thing, but you all did give me some more to think about, so it will be a little while longer until I get one. Until then, I will be settling on fake ones. Or ones drawn by my younger sister. Thanks for all your input and advice. :)